In a universe where Kylo /is/ actually absurdly good at dirty talk, he realizes he can get Hux off by doing nothing more than whispering all that filth right inside his head, no matter where he is, no matter what Hux is doing.

reserve:

I hope you don’t mind that I wrote a little something for this!

He commanded the rapt attention of his audience. 

The rows of officers in their pristine caps, all with eyes on him, were positively intoxicating. It was, if Hux were to be entirely honest, one of the most beloved perks of his rank: everyone listened and everyone looked. No matter how humdrum the subject matter. 

Hux favored his adoring ranks with what he felt was a conspiratorial smirk and gestured at the holoprojection behind him. 

“As you can see, and as Major Eston has so capably rendered with her simulations, the new TIE units will be equipped with an advanced form of autopilot allowing for essentially pilotless maneuvering. Now before anyone makes their displeasure—” 

Can’t wait to fuck you later. You’d probably like it if I took you in front of this whole auditorium, fucked you good and deep right on top of that podium. Filthy slut…

Hux coughed. He touched three fingers to his breastbone and pressed down.

That’s right, said Kylo Ren’s voice directly into his mind. You’ll be shaking when I’m done with you. I’ll have to carry you back to your quarters. 

STOP IT, Hux thought as firmly as possible. Out loud he let loose a nervous, high-pitched little laugh, the likes of which he hadn’t produced since his academy days. “Where was I?” 

In the very front row, Dopheld Mitaka raised his hand as though he were hoping to actually help Hux pick up where he had left off.