authorkurikuri:

✥ i just discovered that you can buy vibrators at the airport, but while i was trying to load my bag into the overhead compartment on the plane, it fell out and landed right in your lap. how am i supposed to spend the next four hours sitting next to you and not die of embarrassment???

✥ the guy at the sex store told me that my new dildo was dishwasher safe and you’re my poor, traumatized roommate

✥ for some reason i thought it would be fun to wear a wireless vibrator in public, but now i’ve lost the remote (option a. i know we don’t know each other well, but please help me find it before someone else does! or b. you’ve found it and are trying to figure out what it does)

✥ the classic “i’m stuck, please come over and help me asap”

✥ you’re my neighbor, but the UPS guy keeps delivering your packages to me and wow, you buy a lot of sex toys

✥ the fox/wolf/other animal tail for my halloween costume looks weird and i can’t figure out how i’m supposed to attach it. help?

✥ i’m sexually awkward and my friends dared me to go into this sex shop and you’re the employee politely trying to help me, but oh my god what the fuck even is that???

✥ i’m the super macho, stereotypical top type of person, but i actually love bottoming and i’m not sure how to tell you that (particularly because you seem to be really enthusiastic about bottoming yourself), but oh look, you’ve found my extensive collection of butt plugs

✥ this sculpting class is the bane of my existence and for the final project (where i’m supposed to use a non-clay medium) i’m going to troll my teacher and make a bunch of silicone dildos. will you donate your dick to my cause?

✥ i’m helping you move and just found all your bdsm gear