Why not combine these two and draw some … candy gore ………… or ….. gory candy. I don’t know. There aren’t even any intestines or anything, this barely counts as gore.
Hello, fandom. The first thing I actually post to contribute and it’s this… But the idea wouldn’t leave me alone.
Story time: I had a dream in which Hux was wearing something like this, and it was hilarious. Kylo had to rescue him, Hux was furious, Kylo was a little turned on, yadda yadda. Then I buy this Star Wars colouring book and there’s an Art Nouveau Slave Leia page. And it’s beautiful. And the first thing I think of is: Hey, I should draw Hux in that. So I traced a few elements of the Leia piece so that the pose would be the same and they could be mirrors of each other. Then I start altering…. Sex change and thinning-out on the body, completely new face and hair, new weapon, and radically different background. I spent a ridiculous amount of time staring at pictures of almost-naked Domhnall Gleeson. And what I end up with is this. The Starkiller-as-halo effect was kind-of an accident, but I love it.
Because @kalikatze distracted me today with thoughts of Hux and piercings, and it was decided that Hux 100% has this kind of nipple ring. You know it’s true.
I had a thought about the whole alien dick loving Hux and What if he had a collection of alien dildos, like he has one cabinet filled with rows of alien sex toys of all shapes and sizes and colors, and some are just fuckin extreme like:
Look I’m just imagining teenage!Hux poring over the illustrations in old Imperial xenoanatomy texts with wide eyes, like what even is that thing and how could that possibly fit anywhere and obsessing over those thoughts until they finally circle properly around to …would it feel good and he has the most inappropriate sexual awakening ever for a proper son of the Empire.
(This is a lie: hundreds of thousands of proper sons of the Empire have had exactly the same experience. They were also properly filled with Imperial institutional xenophobic shame. Hux, meanwhile, just gets fucked by a Togruta on his first unsupervised shore leave.)
Also, please imagine that ex-imp/FO at some point get a reputation for this and it becomes the bedrock of galactic humour, the same way people like to make off-colour jokes about Welsh people being sheep-shaggers, or everyone in the rural american south marrying their cousin.
So like, every time FO officers are trying to raid a cantina they get a bunch of yinchorri cackling and saying OOH BACKS AGAINST THE WALL, LADS, IT’S THE FIRST ORDER and OOH STRIP SEARCH ME OFFICER I’M PACKING A FEARSME WEAPON. And the officers are all ‘No, stop this at once. This is important military matter!’
I can also imagine a kind of First Order Officer kink exists among certain nonhuman subcultures. Custom uniforms are a huge black market, one that the First Order tries to crack down on and can’t. There are Cantinas, if you Know Where to Look. First Order Officers hate raiding these. Hux makes up missions to bust them, periodically, when he’s collected enough people he needs to take petty revenge on. He says the clubs need to be eradicated, that they stain the reputation of the First Order, but the Officers know he’s full of shit. Hux funds the seedier ones himself. He’s not only the president but also a member.
Motherfuck how does this just keep getting better :DDDDD
look I’m not saying I’ve made some bad life decisions, but I’m currently going through my copy of the (New) Essential Guide to Alien Species and judging them on the criteria of “would Hux fuck that”
Do people remember these? I think they were designed to shut kids up on long walks and car journeys. Every time you saw one of the birds listed you ticked it off, and presumably when you’d got all of them you could finally give up on life and not give a shit about birds anymore.
I’m just saying, there is a 100% chance Hux has one of these on his datapad and it’s called i-Spy Alien Cocks.
Look I’m just imagining teenage!Hux poring over the illustrations in old Imperial xenoanatomy texts with wide eyes, like what even is that thing and how could that possibly fit anywhere and obsessing over those thoughts until they finally circle properly around to …would it feel good and he has the most inappropriate sexual awakening ever for a proper son of the Empire.
(This is a lie: hundreds of thousands of proper sons of the Empire have had exactly the same experience. They were also properly filled with Imperial institutional xenophobic shame. Hux, meanwhile, just gets fucked by a Togruta on his first unsupervised shore leave.)
Also, please imagine that ex-imp/FO at some point get a reputation for this and it becomes the bedrock of galactic humour, the same way people like to make off-colour jokes about Welsh people being sheep-shaggers, or everyone in the rural american south marrying their cousin.
So like, every time FO officers are trying to raid a cantina they get a bunch of yinchorri cackling and saying OOH BACKS AGAINST THE WALL, LADS, IT’S THE FIRST ORDER and OOH STRIP SEARCH ME OFFICER I’M PACKING A FEARSME WEAPON. And the officers are all ‘No, stop this at once. This is important military matter!’
for some reason I thought of Kate Beaton’s Les Mis comic with Jean Valjean like “ooh Javert, you FOUND me” and cackled aloud
Assaulting a peace officer with infectious bodily fluids
A younger Hux is caught off-duty by First Order officers during a cantina raid. For gay stuff. He manages to get a swing in before they subdue him enough for a mugshot though 🙂
dispatches from the dumpster 