fuck I love it – dispatches from the dumpster

valadilenne:

I haven’t seen anyone talking about how Kylo Ren inherited the strongest traits of the people who collectively raised him.

Han’s an ace pilot, so is his son. Luke is a Jedi master, Ben turned out to be incredibly powerful.

But what did he get from Leia?

If he’s so great at what Han and Luke both did, the funniest fucking possible thing for JJ Abrams to do in IX would be for Kylo to be good at ruling the galaxy.

It’d be like Mojo Jojo suddenly getting what he wanted in that one episode of the Powerpuff Girls. World hunger? Solved. Water crises? Sends in the storm troopers and fixes an aging pipe infrastructure in 12 hours. Overall health immediately improves.

The Resistance are constantly confused and surprised by all the public works projects that keep springing up on every planet where they’re trying to drum up support and open new bases. Trading Outposts are now part of a free and open market, and scavengers are ensured fair prices based on economic projections set by the government.

There are murals, and not ones depicting the glory of the Supreme Leader, but just… murals. On the sides of buildings. Nice views to break up the monotony.

Hux is forced to play nice with his new boss and keeps having to scrap all his fun assassination plots because Kylo is pretty popular with the on-board staff. “Sure, he’s a bit weird, but full-coverage dental insurance goes a long way, and I got shore leave to visit my mum last month,” Hux overhears one admin saying to another, and starts grinding his teeth so hard the med-droids have to make him a night guard. The fact that it’s free doesn’t lessen the blow any.

People are starting to shrug their shoulders and say, Eh, he’s not that bad, you know?

Finn and Poe are outraged just on principle. Rose is constantly getting into arguments with anyone who’ll listen about why Kylo needs to be doing more to expand welfare programs to put money back into the hands of the workers, I mean it’s okay, but honestly there could be a universal income introduced, and maybe that’s what he’s aiming toward over the next three years…

Rey is unsure how to feel about this since the Bond’s gone cold.

And Leia? Leia just looks over the Holonet for the latest news articles, shakes her head and purses her lips, muttering You little shithead to herself.